


Love Potion Delta

by completelyhopeless



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Community: comment_fic, Gen, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-28 04:05:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2718164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/completelyhopeless/pseuds/completelyhopeless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love potions aren't real. They're just annoying. Clint and Natasha know this better than anyone.</p>
<p>Or... five or so times Clint and Natasha saved the world from love potions and one time they didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Potion Delta

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scribblemyname](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribblemyname/gifts).



> For the prompt: _[Marvel Cinematic Universe, Natasha Romanoff/Clint Barton, love potions are more annoying than anything else](http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/570036.html?thread=79849140)_
> 
> This was a lot sillier and a lot funnier/crackier in my head.

* * *

People say (they sing) that what the world needs is love, sweet love.

Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff respectfully disagree.

Maybe not respectfully.

* * *

Strike Team Delta gets the call when it is about a love potion of any kind.

Coulson claimed once that it was because they were the best. Others said it was because neither of them was capable of love so they were immune to the effect of any possible love potion. Other people said it was because Clint must have been either Cupid or related to him and so he was immune and could undo the effects of the potion or spell. There are a few that claim that Clint and Natasha love each other too much for any potion to change that, but they don't say it where anyone can hear them.

Natasha says the real reason is that love is for children, and they're good at killing people.

* * *

The defense of, “I just wanted him/her to love me” has a zero tolerance policy with Clint and Natasha. Some of the ones that used it were idiots who were conned into thinking a love potion could help them. Some were kind of pathetic, but others were more of the stalker/mind control types.

The irony of them being hit by a real arrow stopped being funny a long time ago.

* * *

In the early days of their partnership, Clint and Natasha were sent to stop a biochemist that had created a toxin that killed fifty-six people. His explanation for this was that he was trying to give more love to the world.

It didn't end well, but love potions never did.

* * *

They were still partners when someone found a way to manipulate pheromones into a sort of mind control drug. People reacted to the smell and became lovestruck slaves. It was set to be marketed to the public under the name of Love Potion #9.

The perfume never reached the market, and the mission reports were censored with good reason.

Even though they weren't close to the truth in the first place.

* * *

Somewhere in the world is a big ugly Bigfoot lookalike that loves Natasha.

Clint says it's her fault for using the pheromone potion in the first place.

Natasha says the idea is sound but still needs tweaking.

Clint says she shouldn't need a pheromone potion to make people like her.

She says it's supposed to be a poison.

They don't talk about it anymore.

* * *

The whole alien sex pollen thing didn't come along until they'd been partners for a long time, but it wasn't much better than any earlier incarnation of love potion. Clint wanted to drink for days to get the images of his coworkers out of his head, and Natasha was just grateful for whatever had called Fury out of the office the day the sex pollen got loose in S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.

Most of the staff willingly participated in a memory alteration for that day. They're the lucky ones.

They don't remember.

Clint and Natasha do.

* * *

“Time to suit up,” Stark said, visor up as he clanked toward them in the iron man suit. “You know, big bad alien taking over the world with a love potion gas that makes everyone—well, it wouldn't be so bad if they were just horny or if I were single—”

“Not going.”

“Excuse me?”

“It's in the contract,” Natasha said. “The one we signed when we agreed to be Avengers after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. Paragraph 126, subsection G, clause two A. We don't deal with any love potions or anything that could in any way be classified as one.”

“You're kidding.” Stark looked at him. “You're Cupid. How can you _not_ deal with this?”

Clint raised his bow and lined up an arrow. “This doesn't shoot hearts, Stark.”

“We've actually saved the world from love potions three hundred and eighty-nine times,” Natasha said, leaning back in her chair. “Your turn.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Not Another Love Potion](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2719775) by [completelyhopeless](https://archiveofourown.org/users/completelyhopeless/pseuds/completelyhopeless)




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